Lucy Reflects

I knew it was time. I was putting it off until the time was right, but there was never going to be a “right” time.

(Pause for dramatic effect … )

You guessed it. Potty training. Twins.

The boys go to school Tuesdays and Thursdays for a couple of hours. At pick-up time, one by one, I would listen to other parents ask the teacher if their kid had any accidents. I'm almost positive my boys were the only ones still crapping their pants. It was time to bite the bullet.

School was cancelled on a recent Thursday because of snow. I woke up the boys and told them they had to wear undies. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. Why hadn't I Googled it?

It didn't matter, I was totally going to nail this. I woke up well rested and patient and high fived myself. They were just 2-two- year-old boys, they would not defeat me.

We walked downstairs for breakfast and before we hit the kitchen, Cam screamed, "PEE IN MY SWEATPANTS!".

“That's ok! Accidents happen!”

I cleaned up pee, started making eggs, and Nolan peed himself.

“That's ok, buddy! Accidents happen!”

After begging for a diaper for 15 minutes, Nolan simply refused to wear underwear. This also would not defeat me. Commando it is. Do you know what happens when you crap your pants when you're not wearing underwear? Let me tell you. It falls out the bottom. Which meant there were turds sprinkled everywhere. It's ok though! Accidents happen! I’ll just follow them around with our dog Ripken’s poop baggies and persevere.

Halfway through the day, I texted an SOS to my husband who promptly tells me that it wasn't smart to try to potty train on a day I was home by myself. We were all tired of this. I finally put a diaper on one of them, we would try again tomorrow.

Friday was a much nicer day and we had to get out of the house. At 9 a.m., I texted Lucy that I needed a shot of vodka and to get out of the house so we headed to the Hands On House. The vodka would have to wait. As soon as we arrived, I made the boys try to go to go to the bathroom. My kids do this adorable, yet aggravating thing when I make them try to go potty. They hop up and announce, "Nope, not today. Try again tomorrow.”

We got through the museum with no accidents. It was almost noon, so we headed to a charming cafe with a kids’ corner for lunch. My precious little blondies each proceed to drink a whole bottle of apple juice. I was annoyingly asking them every five minutes if they had to go to the bathroom. "Nope.” "Not now.” "Maybe later.”

I can tell you when later is. When I'm about halfway through my delicious soup. They simultaneously piss their pants, their socks and their shoes.

It can only go up from here.

It has been about two weeks since we kicked off potty training and we are now a success story. It was a rough road. A serious plus - we have come out with not one piece of our furniture having bodily fluid on it.