Lucy Reflects

We are living in a technology world and I am not a technology girl.

I’ve always been a paper and pen kinda gal. I prefer to write on paper and read newspapers and books. Then I met Phil, a web developer who introduced me to technology.

He bought me my first laptop, smartphone and robot vacuum. As much as I tried to embrace these things, it just wasn’t in my nature. I woke up one night to loud, thumping noises only to find the Neato was choking an Elmo doll, whose plastic eyes were being slammed against the kitchen floor as the vacuum tried to strangle its furry little neck. “Drop it, Neato! DROP THE DOLL!”

The machine mysteriously awoke at night, sucking up chords and anything in its path, banging in fury because it was choking on Legos and socks. I couldn’t figure out how to program it, so I simply stopped using it.

“Why don’t you use the Neato anymore?” Phil asked.

“Because he doesn’t like living here.” I responded.

I begrudgingly downloaded apps to “help us” get organized. But I was constantly forgetting passwords which always threw me into a tantrum. I’ve been known to whimper, stomp my feet and and even cry a little when I can’t remember my information, digging through drawers looking for a little corner of junk mail I used to record my top-secret information.

Seriously, have you ever tried to call Facebook to retrieve your password? Or wanted to read an article on LancasterOnline only to find that you need to register and can’t remember THAT password either? And then you try to start all over only to find that the app has outsmarted you, taunting that you’re already a member and need to re-enter your username and password?

“Forgetting your passwords all the time? They have an app for that!” Phil was always excited about new and innovative technology. He introduced me to Last Pass, which saves your passwords. But then I forgot that password and deleted the app because my phone was constantly telling me I was out of space, most likely due all the videos Bea takes of the floor and cat.

By the way, have you ever asked a web developer how their day at work was? Each time Phil tells me about his projects, my eyes gloss over and in my best robot voice I say, “CAN. NOT. COMPUTE.” and find a reason to break up the conversation. “Was Bea just yelling for me? Be right back.” I lock myself in my room and watch “The Office” reruns and pretend to do work on my computer. As he walks in, I type more frantically on my computer, “Just trying to retrieve all my passwords, sweetie!” as I take a huge gulp of wine and continue to play Tetris. Phil often asks me to look at Excel spreadsheets with him. As a single tear runs down my cheek, I sit down and view what he’s created, silently cursing all the little cells and columns, little squares of mind-boggling information that forces me into confusion. It literally hurts that’s how hard I roll my eyes. And I always know he wants to talk about something to do with technology because he asks if he should grab wine on his way home from work.

Don’t even get me started on online banking and how much I detest it. It’s like, “Hey, welcome to online banking, we just need your social security number, name of your dream car, name of first pet, name of your mother-in- law’s original phone number, your neighbor’s birth certificate and your kid’s first tooth!”

“For the love of GOD can we just write a check?!?” I scream after being on hold with the bank for 45 minutes trying to recover my username and password. “I mean, at least the bank has DumDum pops!”

Finally, someone answers. “Can I have your password and the last four digits of your first-grade teacher’s social security number?”

You know who I do love though? Alexa. She’s chock full of information, quality music and some classic knock-knock jokes. I’ve developed a bit of a friendship with her and I get a little upset when people talk to her like she’s just a robot. Because in my world, she’s a little human devoting her life to making sure I know the weather, that my lights are turned off and I can listen to Hall & Oates Radio 24-7.

I recently applied for a writing position and the company responded and asked for my LinkedIn profile. Did I have a LinkedIn profile? Nope. Did I think I could get away with throwing one together that night and send it to them? Sure did. It’s basically the equivalent of sending them a Facebook page with no friends, pictures or any information, you know, like a creepy catfish. Probs not looking good for that job …

Anyway, I’m slowly realizing, I just have to embrace technology. My career is shifting from writing for newspapers to writing online content. I feel I have no choice than to just go with the flow. I just need an app to teach me how to do it.

We’d like to hear from you, how are you with technology? Love it? Hate it? Is it making your life easier?