Lucy Reflects

Rachel's - Splits & Giggles... Another eventful lunch date with the Hohn family!

Whitney and I recently headed to Rachel’s Café and Creperie and Splits and Giggles to pick up donations for our upcoming event. We had lunch at Rachel’s, followed by dessert at Splits & Giggles.

Bea and I arrived with her boasting plastic Cinderella high heal shoes we purchased moments before at a thrift shop. I immediately hated them, but I was too tired from cleaning up an overflown sink she clogged with 50 Q-tips to argue with her.

We’re seated and everything is momentarily cool. Rachel’s is packed and slowly our offspring come undone, each in their own unique way.

It begins with Bea’s stupid shoes, demanding the boys try them, which does not sit well with them. The waitress brings us crayons and coloring books that Bea doesn’t want to share. She gives the twins her “I might hug you OR strangle you” look and they don’t want to chance it. Then Bea consumed an entire sugar packet, paper and all.

Camden was distraught because Whitney didn’t order him a smoothie and he suddenly didn’t want cheese remotely close to his pizza crepe. The sight of it repulsed him, even though he liked cheese 30 seconds before. “No cheese!” he begins yelling as Whitney is frantically trying to pick it off.

Que Nolan, the showstopper, knocking over his chair, which makes an incredibly loud crash and gives other diners a tiny heart attack. And then they all have to pee. At the same time.

Why does this happen? I’ll tell you. Toddlers are smarter than we think. Forget about ANYTHING ELSE that is threatening this country because toddlers are in control. They are the most manipulative little wasps (but cute wasps) that will STING YOU A LOT OF TIMES and every time you are left wondering what the hell just happened, they will sting you again. Toddlers could run this country given the right amount of Go-Gurt and puffs. They are lucky they’re so cute otherwise we might build a wall around them.

Whitney and I shovel down our crepes. Which is maddening when all you want to do is savor your lunch.

“I will come to your house when you’re an adult and pull the SAME SHIT I DON’T CARE IF I’M 70!” I feel like yelling at Bea.

There’s about 75 toys on the table, Bea in heals, and Whitney and I fighting for the three to put on their coats. Suddenly they all hate coats as much as Camden hated cheese.

In an attempt to help Whitney, I throw all the toys in my purse.

You would have thought I murdered a puppy in front of her boys.

“I WANT MY RACE CAR!” they cry at me, tears rolling down their faces.

Bea’s faltering in her heals, like a drunken sorority girl and her only care in the world is busting open a gumball machine to continue her search for straight sugar for lunch.

I scramble to find the cars I so ungratefully stole from Camden and Nolan. “Where’s that a race car?!?” I say to myself and grab another toy. “Crap, that’s a motorcycle! I pull out Bea’s socks, shoes, half-opened sugar packets, Legos, a half of a strawberry. Where’s the race car?!?!

In the meantime, I find a quarter for my little panhandler, hand my card to Whitney and tell her I’m taking the kids outside. I can feel my face on fire as we start getting “those looks”.

A word about Rachel’s staff, thanks for being so understanding about our kids. They LOVE your pizza crepes. Were they cool and told you that? No, because toddlers are selfish.

We head to Splits and Giggles where the owner, Dave, is so completely calm with our kids as their decibels get louder and louder for Super Man ice cream with sprinkles (like he doesn’t already know that.) Our plan to go live on Facebook is approaching, the kids are devouring ice cream, Bea’s laying on the floor sucking up sprinkles like a vacuum. Then suddenly, everything falls into place. And we get this great video of Dave playing peek-a- boo with our kids. And all is well again.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t hate when these break downs happen and feel like I’m on the brink of a breakdown as well. You plan a great afternoon, hope for the best and get the worst. But in the grand scheme of things, they last for only moments. And we don’t hold onto those moments. We hold onto the peek-a- boo moments.

Thank you to both wonderful places for believing in us. And for crepes and ice cream. Rachel’s serves up THE BEST crepes and Splits and Giggles offers an extensive selection of Hershey’s Ice Cream. Dave also makes awesome sandwiches, salads and soups. We love you guys. But you already know that.

Check out Rachel’s Café at www.rachelscreperie.com and Splits and Giggles at www.splitsandgiggles.com.